Betty
Betty White is a sixty-three year old woman who is radiant with youth and experience. While many people have been hardened by shelter life, it seems to have only deepened the intense glow in Betty’s eyes. Speaking with a slight Texan drawl, she exudes a sense of motherly confidence that is both contagious and uplifting. Betty White can empathize with many types of people in various situations; she has personally overcome so many difficulties herself. At present, she offers her wealth of knowledge to young mothers in shelters through the “Life Skills” program. “We help them along the way, and it’s good because they know that we’ve been also been homeless, so we know how it is. It’s so sad that some of these girls are so young.” But with her signatory optimistic outlook, Betty White is looking forward to her future, without loosing sight of her tumultuous past and the lessons it has taught her.
Betty’s childhood was interrupted by the birth of her daughter while she was still in high school, forcing her to drop out due to the lack of access to adequate childcare. As a mother at seventeen, she had many obstacles to overcome and didn’t use them as an excuse to give up. Betty went back to high school for her diploma, and went to a business school for a program in computer training to further her career.

Her boyfriend began to act abusively, and Betty was forced to make another tough decision in her life: stay with her abusive boyfriend and maintain her comfortable lifestyle, or face the uncertainty of the city’s shelter system in an attempt to regain her life. “It got to the point when I thought ‘I just can’t live like this,’ and it was so hard for me to leave, but nobody deserves that…. [Domestic violence] It’s very rampant today; it’s in every class of people, from the aristocrats to the lowest class. It makes you lose your spark and everything, and you get tired of pretending for people and just going through the motions. It’s awful.” Betty says, “In domestic violence situations, women should get out as soon as possible, because the longer you stay in them the harder it is to get out.” Although the next steps were filled with ambiguity and inevitable heartache, Betty pushed forward to reestablish and redefine herself beyond of the shadow of domestic violence. “It was coming to the point where it was really bad. I didn’t know anything about shelters—I had just heard the word ‘shelter,’ so I started asking around.”

Betty’s first steps to freedom began with a fruitless effort calling a domestic violence hotline. When she made the call, “they told me ‘Well, call back around 9:30 tonight.’ I wanted to say to them, I’m trying to get out of this, and you aren’t going to help me?’ So I said to myself, ‘If you’re going to go, either you go now or you aren’t going to go at all. So I left.” Mindful of the unpredictability of New York City’s shelter system, Betty placed a call to The Kingsbridge woman’s shelter, professing to be a doctor in search of a bed for her patient. After she had given her name, Betty went to Kingsbridge not knowing what to expect. “When I did get there, three people were in front of me, and the people who didn’t have a bed reserved had to wait all throughout the night into the next night because there were no beds. Many times people had to wait there a long time because there were people constantly coming in there, because it was a homeless shelter.”

In retrospect, Betty has many good and bad things to say about Kingsbridge. “It was a really good assessment shelter; they did help you out a lot. For a single person it’s hard to find shelter because they cater to the people with families and children. And then if you’re not a drug user it’s hard for you to be placed because there are not a lot of places for single adults, but if you’re on drugs there are plenty of places.” Betty also recognizes the single aspect that made Kingsbridge unique and ultimately livable. “At Kingsbridge, the services provided there were really good, the place was so old because it was an armory long time ago, and I think the building is over 100 years old. But the services there were really effective.” Like everything, Kingsbridge had its obvious disadvantages as well: “At Kingsbridge, a lot of times in the winter there was no hot water. There were times when I had appointments, so I had to take a shower, and I got sick, but you can’t go somewhere smelling like that. And the walls were so old and there were bugs and stuff. I was so glad to get out of there.”

Betty’s next step was applying for public assistance “Well, I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never been on welfare before so, of course, I’m nervous because nobody ever tells you anything. I actually found out through the other girls in the shelter what to do there because nobody else told me anything.” The confusion didn’t end with her first visit to the public assistance office, though. “When my benefits were supposed to be there, they weren’t there, and I had to keep going to the [public assistance] office. It was a real hassle. I can’t even remember how many times I went back there, because I had to go so many times. I was supposed to get my benefits in March, and they weren’t there. I had to go back to the welfare office, around and around with them waiting all day to get seen. Finally, a month and a half later, I did receive my benefits. That’s the system.”

She also has a few comments about the people who were helping her at the public assistance office. “Most of the people who work there are lousy, their attitudes are. They disrespect you by the way they talk to you. Like you’re trying to get their money, like you’re begging to them, when the money is there and it’s not theirs. People should treat other people like they want to be treated, with respect. A lot of the things that happen at these offices are because they are disrespectful to people.”

Betty was looking forward to getting out of Kingsbridge, a short-term assessment shelter, and moving on in the process of finding permanent housing. “Everybody from my dorm was leaving and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was in a dorm with 17 other women, and I couldn’t take it, no privacy, and you get tired of people looking at you all the time.” Eventually that day came for Betty, and she interviewed for and was accepted at the George Daly shelter. George Daly, a co-ed shelter for both men and women on the Lower East Side, also has its advantages and disadvantages, but overall, Betty found it much more comfortable than Kingsbridge. “I finally got my actual room, and it was better than Kingsbridge. The best thing about it [George Daly] was that they had a backyard. That was my outlet. You could go out there any time of day or night that you wanted, even if was five in the morning and you wanted to go outside you could. I think that’s really what really saved me.”

Although George Daly had slightly more to offer in the areas of comfort and privacy, Betty was still a long way from her ultimate goal of getting her own apartment and living on her own. She began the process of looking for an SRO, or single room occupancy. She was first offered a room on the southern tip of Brooklyn, but due to her demanding schedule of appointments, the inconveniences of such a room outweighed the advantages. The next room offered to her was located in Manhattan, close to public transportation, and she immediately accepted the offer. “It was time to move on.” Betty moved into her SRO on June 12, 2001, thus ending her struggle with homelessness, yet opening another chapter of uncertainty in her quest for independence. Moving into her own room required Betty to make adjustments to her routine, which was sometimes difficult. “There were times when I first got my room that I didn’t stay at home too much. I was glad to have my room, but I think I was in shock that this was my own place and I could come and go as I wanted—I didn’t have to report to anybody anymore. After a while I was like, ‘Okay, well, I do have a place, so I should be home sometimes.’”

Betty isn’t picky when it comes to having her own apartment. “I just want something that is safe, not really far away, and in an okay neighborhood.” She has already been approved for Section 8 housing and is in the process of waiting for her voucher.

Although technically Betty’s homeless experience is behind her, those seventeen months will always be with her in everything that she does. Though it appears Betty is a success story of the shelter system, she has many scars that will forever be with her. And although she is no longer homeless she has much to say on issues surrounding homeless people and their problems.

Throughout Betty’s experiences both in the shelter and now as she’s living independently in her SRO, Care for the Homeless has been there whenever Betty has needed something. Shelly Moore, the Senior Health Educator at Care for the Homeless, recalls, “Betty took advantages of all the programs—the groups and workshops that we made available to her. She was very proactive in her recovery process.” Shelly also went the extra mile to ensure that Betty had all the personal attention she needed. “Betty was a very independent and self-reliant woman, but there were some days you could tell that she just wasn’t feeling or acting like herself. On those days I would invite her in so she could sit down and talk. I just provided her with a safe place where she could process her feelings. There was one time in particular where Betty was feeling really down because one of the shelter workers was rude to her and she found herself wondering if she went from one abusive situation to another. Care for the Homeless was also instrumental in assuring that Betty was transferred to the most appropriate transitional housing.” Betty’s case worker was able to accurately assess Betty’s individual needs and facilitate her placement into an appropriate shelter. She was eventually referred to George Daly, which was really the best possible place for her.”

The most important service, however, was simply being there to listen to Betty and to support her when it seemed like no one would. Throughout the last seventeen months, Betty says, “Care for the Homeless has helped me out a lot.” Shelly worked with Betty throughout her stay in the shelters on her vital health issues, never gave up on her, and left a lasting impression. “When I was at George Daly, Shelly told me that I stuck out from the rest of the people there. I saw her one day, and she said ‘Come into my office, I want to talk to you.’ So then I told her my situation. She told me that I had her fooled, and that she had no idea. It was Shelly who was the one who first told me about therapy too. At that point I wasn’t ready, but later on I did take advantage of it, so if it weren’t for her I wouldn’t have gotten therapy.” At this time, Betty was used to doing her own thing and taking care of her own problems. “But Shelly gave me her card, and she said, ‘In the future if you change your mind, whenever you’re ready...’ and it ended up helping me so much, I’m so glad I went to her.” Betty goes on in her praise of Shelly’s services and friendship. “Shelly’s good like that, she’ll take you privately into her office, because sometimes you can’t say things in front of other people. She makes you feel really comfortable, and she’s just on top of her game, she’s a natural, and she’s compassionate to other people.”

Betty wants to emphasize the importance of public assistance benefits when trying to get back on your feet, but has a message to the people who look down on those who are applying. “They think that they’re above you because they have that job, but what they don’t realize is that tomorrow they could lose their job, and the average person is two paychecks away from being homeless. … Being homeless, you really look at things differently from when you weren’t homeless. When I was working, I used to see people on the street and I’d give them money, but I never thought I’d be homeless. You never think it could happen to you. Nobody wakes up and says, ‘God, I think I’ll be homeless tomorrow.’ It’s not something that you plan, and it’s horrible.”

In order to share her experiences with other homeless women and try to lessen their difficulties and confusion, Betty is a facilitator for the Life Skills program. She spends time talking to young mothers in the shelter system about, “What their goals are,
conflict resolution, budgeting, time and money management. Many of these women have never managed any money or had any goals. They have so many children, and some of them get pregnant in the shelter. The really young girls, I feel for them, I can’t imagine being homeless and being in the shelter with your little child. My heart goes out to them.”
Betty often finds herself reiterating the same words of advice to them. “What you need to do is get your GED, whatever you want to end up doing, you have to get your GED. You must have this and then it’ll open doors for you. Maybe right now you have to work at McDonald’s but it’s just a stepping-stone. I let them know, look I was a teenage mother too and I know it’s not easy, especially being in the shelter. Just you in the shelter is one thing, but kids, they don’t understand.” Many of these young women struggle to get back on their feet, and they say to Betty, “Next time I’m going to do it better.” And she tells them firmly, “‘Don’t do it better, do it different, and have fun with it. The other way didn’t work out, so do it different. Just because you’re homeless you’re still somebody.’ They’re just kids themselves, they don’t have experience, so they need guidance.”

Guidance is something that Betty has much to offer, throughout her life and continuing today she has fought to maintain her dignity, her sanity, and her independence. Betty is looking forward to going to cosmetology school where she plans to specialize in skin care, make-up, and massage. She still has a long way to go before she receives permanent housing, but she recognizes this as an essential step in the process. “You have to believe in something that keeps you going, I kept saying “Oh God, please get me out of the shelter, and he did.” And so Betty moved forward with her life, in search of a new and happier chapter to follow the last year and a half of struggling. But she reminds us of the effects that homelessness has left with her. “After you’ve been homeless you have to get over being homeless.” But as you can see, Betty is dealing with this, like everything else: one step at a time.


See other stories at "Homeless Voices."